Confession #32: Stressed? Headphones in, Ignore the World

WOW. So, it's been... I have no idea how long since I wrote a post on here, which means it's been too long, SO. With that in mind, I will try to get everyone caught up on the aspects of my life as it has been as of late. For those who don't know, on June 1, I got married to the love of my life, Eric Bergerson. I am also heading off to Sam Houston State University this fall to pursue my Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Theatre with an Emphasis in Acting and Directing. Eric and I will also be moving to Conroe soon, so that I can be closer to school, and while he'll still be working in Porter, it will only be about a thirty minute drive for him from Conroe to Porter, but I also know he's thinking about getting a different job, one that doesn't stress him out as much. While a lot of things have happened recently, there's only so much I feel I can actually talk about, or post on here, not so much for personal reasons, but because, if I do talk about them here, people will get hurt. I supposed I could always leave out the person's name, but then again, if they happen to read this, they will know who they are and will still be hurt. So, I guess it's just safe to say that I've lost a lot of "friends" in the past couple months, but I've also, in the process, discovered who my true friends are, which is few.

It's interesting how, on social media sites like Facebook, everyone likes to post about their personal political and religious beliefs. It doesn't bother me when people do that; we all have our own personal values and morals, and if you want to post that for all to see, I don't care. Good for you. But, it seems, when I try to do so, I get verbally attacked by those who disagree. Now, I don't care if people agree with me or not, that's whatever. But is it REALLY necessary to verbally assault someone just because they don't agree with you? I think that's a bit idiotic, if you ask me. We should all be free to express our opinions openly and without judgment from others. If I see something on Facebook that I don't agree with, I generally make it a personal responsibility to NOT SAY ANYTHING. I simply remove it from my newsfeed and carry on. I wish more people would do that. That's why I've lost a lot of "friends", you see; because I don't agree with their opinions, or they don't agree with mine, so they throw a temper tantrum like a child and un-friend me. I've seen A LOT of things on Facebook that I don't agree with, BELIEVE ME. But does that give me the right to criticize them for not seeing the world that way I do? Absolutely not. So, next time you see something on your newsfeed that you don't agree with, instead of suddenly getting your degree in law and criticizing someone for having different morals and values than you, simply click the little arrow next to the post, click "I don't want to see this" and viola! You will never see it again. Simple as that.

Anyway, all that aside, I am both excited and nervous about what the next few months will bring us, what with me heading off to Sam Houston. I have to admit, I am rather nervous about going to Sam. I mean, it's a new school, new people, new teachers, new classes. I'm even starting down a completely different degree path, doing theatre instead of music. I just recently registered for my classes at Sam Houston, and it looks like I'll be pulling another 13 credit hour semester (been there, done that) so I'm excited for that. I'm also really nervous because, well... I've never taken any formal theatre training. EVER. I've never taken acting classes or taken any classes related to theatre, and I'm a bit worried that it will turn out to be something I don't really want to do. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love acting and being in shows, but... maybe it's not what I'm meant to do. I suppose the only way to find out is to just go for it and see what happens.

It's strange; I used to use this blog all the time, to get out my feelings and thoughts so they didn't consume me. And now? I feel like my thoughts are always racing, constantly shifting, never staying still for a second. Eric will often ask me, "What are you thinking?" and the majority of the time I just say that I love him, because... well, yes, I do love him, but to tell him that I am literally thinking of a million things all at once is hard. I often hate how much like a "woman" I am; the changing moods, the sugar cravings, the love/hate relationship with my own body, the thought process that often never makes sense even to me, and basically everything that is stereotypical of being a woman. While I wouldn't trade who I am for anything (well, actually... no, that's a topic for another day) I sometimes wish I could take the parts of my personality that I don't like and trade them in for someone else's personality. I think, in truth, we're all like that sometimes; wishing we could just change those certain parts of ourselves that we don't like for something better. I also wish I could erase all of the painful memories... life would be much simpler if I didn't have painful memories that like to haunt me in the night when I can't sleep.

As of September 7, Eric and I will be moving into our apartment in Conroe. Part of me is really excited; I'm ready to start a new life in a new place where no one knows my name or my history. But part of me is afraid. I've never lived in an apartment complex before, and from all the horror stories you hear about and all the horrible incidents you see on the news every night, I'm afraid. I know the chances of anything happening to me while we're there are slim, but... things happen.

I've recently found myself writing more. For a while, I stopped writing poetry and stories, because A. I didn't ever seem to have the time to just sit and be alone with my thoughts for an hour, and B. I just didn't feel inspired to write anything for a while. But recently, it seems inspiration has found me, and I have started writing a story and a poem. I had forgotten how therapeutic and calming writing can be.

I've come to the conclusion that doing anything creative or involving the fine arts, whether it be drawing (I can't draw to save my life), painting (can't paint to save my life), acting, singing, listening to music, dancing, writing, anything that lets me just let go and explore the depths of my mind and boundaries is basically free therapy for me. Some people think talking to others people is therapy, or even talking to their pets is therapy. And those are all good things; talking to others (even pets) can be very helpful and therapeutic for getting things off your chest or getting your jumbled thoughts straight. Talking to others is sometimes helpful for me, but most of the time I feel I can't express myself well enough in just words. Sometimes words aren't enough. Or, if all else fails, I hit the gym, and sweating it out makes me feel better too.

Well, I suppose this is enough for one post today. I might post my poem when it's finished, see what you think of it. Until next time, dear readers, ciao!