Merry Christmas :-)

It's been a while since my last post, and I don't really have any confessions today, so I figured I would just make a quick post to keep my readers updated. Well, Christmas break is finally here, thank God. I thought this semester would never end. It started off good, but then it made a sudden turn and went totally downhill. This was a tough semester, what with me taking dance classes 4 days a week and having my other classes plus my few music classes, I was definitely staying busy. On top of all my academic stuff, I was also preparing for my first Christmas show at the Nathaniel  Center with Opera Leggera. That just finished up on Saturday, and even though I had a lot of fun with that show, I'm glad it's over and I can take a break for a couple weeks.

So, Christmas is today. I have to admit, I can hardly believe that 2011 is almost over. It seems like only yesterday that it was January and I was counting down the days till my 21st birthday. Now the year's almost over and soon I'll be 22. Wow... time sure does fly. I can only hope that time will go this fast next year, since I'm eager to go off on my trip to England and Scotland next summer, plus I've got my audition for Sam Houston in February some time (yeah, I won't be going to Sam in the spring like I planned, but I am definitely planning on going next fall) plus, Opera Leggera is going to be doing a show in June that I really would like to be a part of, so there's that to look forward to. All I know is I want to get out of Kingwood and go to Sam. I'm tired of being here. It gets harder and harder to stay positive these days, especially with a new year coming up. I know I should be excited. After all, a new year means a new start. But, after the year I've had in 2011, I'm afraid of what 2012 will bring. I know I can't predict the future, and I'm not going to try, but something tells me that 2012 is going to bring change with it. Lots of change. Whether it's going to be good or bad changes, or a little of both, I'm not sure yet. But I do know that next year there's going to be some changes.

Honestly, I feel like I need a break from bad stuff happening. I mean, come on; my dad has been without a real job for a year, I'm having to push my transfer to Sam Houston back by a year, I'm single while it seems like everyone I know is off getting married and starting their lives, and I just feel like I'm never going to get anywhere, like my life will never begin. It's hard to say exactly all that's been on my mind lately. People ask me all the time, "How are you?" and of course, my response is usually "I'm good" or something like that. But the truth is, I'm not good or okay, or fine. And this Christmas, I just can't seem to get myself into the Christmas mood. I feel like something's missing, like something's off. I have a good idea of what it is, but I don't really want to talk about that now. It's something I'm not ready to talk about yet, not really to anyone. I've talked a little about it to my best friend, Cassandra, but I haven't really talked in depth about it. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that if I tell her or anyone else, I'm afraid they will look down on me and judge me. Right now, I just need to know that someone is there for me whenever I need to talk, and Cassandra has been that one person for me lately.

But, back to Christmas. Yep, today is Christmas. So far, we haven't done much at our house. We ate breakfast (my mom made her traditional Cherry Cheese Coffeecake. Now THAT is good!) and we went to the Christmas Day service at church My sister, her baby Caleb and her baby daddy are staying with us for a while (well, Mike (that's the baby daddy, by the way) he's leaving I think tomorrow some time. He only came for a few days. My sister, however, has been staying with us for the last few weeks and I think she'll be with us for another week or 2, I'm not totally sure.) Anyway, because of 3 extra people in the house, the past few days have been crazy. This situation is not ideal, not at all. Mike isn't family. He and my sister aren't married, but they have a child together. To me, he is an outsider, someone who I don't trust, and I do not for one second consider him as part of our family. So, having him and my sister, who I don't get along with at all, has not exactly been my idea of a good Christmas. Even this morning, when I woke up and we started opening a few presents (we still haven't really opened all our presents yet, and right now it's almost 1:30 in the afternoon. Caleb has been sick for the last few days and he was not in the mood to be opening presents this morning) when I saw Mike, I honestly wanted to punch him in the face and kick him where the sun don't shine. I can honestly say I hate him, and there are not that many people in this world that I truly hate, but I hate him. I guess it's because he has (in my opinion) ruined my sister's life, forever.

True, I'm not close with my sister. I never have been. She and I are so different, and not just in age (my sister is about 30-something, as is my brother Jason). We are two totally different people, and our personalities definitely clash. She is a lot more abrasive than I am, more brash and she really doesn't care if she hurts other people's feelings by what she says or does. In case you can't tell, the topic of my sister is a very sensitive one, a topic that I generally don't feel comfortable talking about to people, because usually when I do talk to people about my sister, I get very angry or start crying or both. My issues with my sister go a lot deeper than what I can possibly express in words in this blog. I have honestly considered perhaps going back to therapy to try and deal with this issue with my sister, but I can't afford that, so for now I'll just have to hope that maybe something will change. In the meantime, all I can really do is try not to talk or think about my sister to anyone. This is another one of those topics that I just don't feel like anyone really understands about me.

Sorry about that. I kind of went off on a tangent there (or as Mr. Whatley would say, chasing rabbits) but I'm back now. So, while people up in the northern states are enjoying a white Christmas right about now, here in Texas we are enjoying a WET Christmas, haha! Yeah, it's been raining pretty hard the last few days, but because we had that massive drought this summer, we need all the rain we can get, so no one's really complaining. Anyway, I think I've talked enough for this post. And so, my dear readers, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas :-) until next time, ciao!