Confession #25: So many girls fall in love with the wrong guy, simply because the wrong guy usually says the right things

It's true: girls always fall for the guys that treat them like dirt. I often hear stories about girls who have gotten into relationships with guys that have treated them horribly, but they are afraid to leave them because they think that they won't find anyone else. I happen to be one of those girls. It's nothing to be ashamed of; we as women are designed to want to be in close, intimate relationships, and when we've gotten so emotionally and physically involved with a guy, it's hard to break free. When romantic relationships are formed, there's this invisible cord between the couple. It's an emotional attachment, so when the couple breaks up, that invisible cord is hard to sever, and when you do eventually sever it, it hurts like hell. When my first boyfriend and I broke up, I can distinctly remember feeling like my heart was being torn in two. I remember the weeks and months after that living in a fog of depression, hurt, and absolute sorrow. Why? Because the emotional bond that we had had been broken and it hurt so badly.

Now, with the new emotional bond I've formed with this other person, it's hurting even worse, and I know that when it finally completely breaks, it will probably be the worst pain I've ever felt. But I know that I have to break this; it's not good for me, it's not healthy, and despite what I may think, I deserve better than this. I deserve to be treated way better than this; I don't deserve to have my heart and emotions played with by someone who doesn't really care about me. In the end, I only fell for this guy because he said all the right things. He said everything; told me I was beautiful, that I was stunning, sexy, gorgeous. He said everything that a good guy should say in a relationship. He used very pretty words; his lips were like honey, saying all kinds of sweet, lovely, beautiful things. But he's not a good guy. Yes, in general, he's a good person. I'm not saying he's not a good person. I'm saying that he's not a good guy in the sense that he said all the right things to me, but he's not willing nor wanting to be in an actual relationship with me.

Recently, during my trip to England and Scotland, I managed to finally talk to this guy and I got my answers. I finally heard the truth, and even though the truth hurt more than I can say, for some reason I couldn't bring myself to cry. I think it's because, deep down, I've always known the truth; I knew he would never choose me. I just needed him to say it, I needed him to tell me himself so I could start the process of healing and moving on with the rest of my life.Yes, it hurt to hear him tell me the truth, but I needed the truth. I would rather be told the truth and have it hurt me for a little while, than to be lied to and then find out the truth and have it hurt for a long time. It's actually a good thing that I didn't cry, because he wasn't worth my tears. Yes, I loved him very much, but I need to move on.

I think Taylor Swift can sum up this whole post very nicely in this quote of hers:


"When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair."  

That's the hard part about reality; the bad guys can blend in and look just like everyone else, just like normal people you see on the street every day or at school or at work. But, it's not always easy to spot who the good people are either. In fairy tales, the good people are easy to spot; the wise fairy godmother, the kind princess, the noble king, the brave prince. But in reality, the "good" people can deceive you and trick you and make you think they're good, when in truth they aren't good at all. It's sad how you really can't trust people anymore.

About 2 weeks ago I woke up, having the strangest feeling that something had happened. I couldn't pinpoint it, but my gut feeling told me that something had happened. And I was right (not the first time my gut feeling has been right about something like this). I got onto my Facebook, and there was a message in my inbox. At first, I figured it was just a notification from my chat the night before with one of my best friends, Angie. It wasn't. It was a very lengthy and detailed message from a person who, for 2 years has done nothing but say horrible and cruel things to me. And, to be honest, that's what I expected to see in the message; more mean and nasty things to hurt me with, things that could possibly send me spiraling once again into the dark abyss of depression, which I am all too familiar with. No. It wasn't words of hatred: it was an apology.

Now, I'm going to be extremely honest here. When I read the first sentence, I went into shock. After reading the entire thing, I couldn't feel anything. I was so completely blown away by the mere fact that, not only was this a letter of apology, but also a letter that explained things I had no idea about. It made things seem a lot clearer, and it made me see things from this person's side. But, even after reading the entire message, part of me just couldn't believe that this person was being sincere, that this was actually a legit apology from this person. I quite honestly was wondering if someone else had wrote this or if someone else had forced this person into writing this. I guess I never really will know for sure; all I can do is assume that this person is sincere, and that they are really sorry for what they've done to me. Do I intend to forgive this person? Yes. Does that mean I will forget what this person did to me? Never. Just because you forgive someone, doesn't mean you have to or should forget what they did to you. But I will forgive. I've even begun to write my response to this person. I feel bad for taking so long to reply; it's been a couple weeks since this person sent me this message, but I want to make sure I say everything I need to say in my response, so I will be replying back. Some people think I shouldn't bother to reply back, but I don't think that's right. If I were to send someone a message telling them how sorry I am for something I've done, I would hope that they would respond back to me, so I'm going to do what I think is right.

I personally think that this recent turn of events is God saying, "Ok, Erin, it's time to close this door. You need to close it, because it's hurting you and you can't keep doing this. Let Me close it, and let Me keep it closed, because I have something much better in mind for you." Do I really believe that God has something "much better in mind" for me? Not really. I accepted the fact long ago that the chances of me ever finding love again are not in my favor. This is why God created cats.

I guess that's enough for now. I'm currently working on a post about my trip to England and Scotland, but I'll probably put that up later this weekend. I do, however, have a little song I'd like to add here. One of my favorite songs to jam out to, it's Beyonce's "Single Ladies". How cliche, yet how fitting, haha! I absolutely love the choreography in this video, and it would be so awesome if I could do this dance one day. Until next time, dear readers.

Confession #24: I guess I should've been "More Like Her"

Have you ever wished that you could be someone else? I'm sure you have at one point in your life. If you say you haven't, you're a filthy liar. Anyway, I've been listening to some artists that I don't normally listen to, mainly because I'll find a song that they sing that just matches with my mood at that moment. Last night was one of those times. I was wandering around on Youtube and I came across Miranda Lambert, a country singer. I'd heard of her before but I had never really listened to any of her songs (I'm not a huge country music fan. I'll listen occasionally to Taylor Swift, Randy Travis, and Carrie Underwood but I have to be in the right mood for country music). Like I was saying, I found this Miranda Lambert song last night and I couldn't help but love it because it expressed exactly what I was feeling at the time; wishing I was more like someone else, and wishing I could be more like this other person because then maybe I would have gotten what I really wanted. So, if you're a fan of country or even if you're not, take a listen, and maybe you'll understand what I was feeling last night. By the way, I'm still working on my other "confession"; this one just kind of was an impromptu post that I wrote up this morning while I was listening to this song. I'll post the other "confession" later, before I leave on Thursday. 

The radio is AWESOME

So, the other day I was in my car on the way to Opera Leggera dress rehearsal (we just had our show "As Time Goes By" at the Nathaniel Center this weekend and it was so much fun!) Anyway, I love driving with the radio on (gotta have my tunes) when all of a sudden the new Carrie Underwood single comes on (the only way I knew it was Carrie Underwood's new single is because the DJ said it was, otherwise I would have had no idea who was singing this song). As I listened to the lyrics of the first verse and chorus, I started to freak out a little, like, for real. Because it seemed like the song was TALKING TO ME. It was the weirdest thing! I've heard songs before that I think are speaking to me directly (that's a weird thought, I know, but when it happens to you, you'll know what I mean) but this song especially seemed to be directed right at me. So I decided to post this song for all of you, and once you listen to it and pay attention to the lyrics, you'll know exactly why I think this song is directed at me. I'm still working on my newest "confession"; a lot of stuff has happened this week, and then with the show I haven't had much time to work on the other post. But I will post it this week before I go off to England and Scotland on Thursday (I can't believe it's practically here already! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!) But yeah, here's the song. Take a listen. And I'm sure that I'm not the only girl out there that needs to hear this song.

Funny girl is funny :-)

So, a friend of mine showed me this girl's video channel on youtube, and I have to say, I have never laughed so hard in my life! This girl is HILARIOUS!!! And her dogs are ADORABLE! :-) So I decided to share some of her videos with all of you. I've been working on a new "confession" but I probably won't post it for a while, so you'll just have to be content with some of these funny videos and wait for the new post. You should definitely check out more of this girl's videos. Her username on youtube is Jenna Marbles, and she has A TON of awesome and hilarious videos.

This last video on here is what Jenna thinks of Disney movies and what they've taught her over the years. I completely agree with her (although, I do have to say, my favorite Disney princess is definitely Tiana from "The Princess and the Frog". just throwin that out there, in case anyone was wondering.)