Confession #18: "Inside"

So recently, I heard a song by one of my favorite singers Sting, and when I heard it, every emotion that I've been feeling lately was found in this song. It probably doesn't make any sense the a lot of people (sadly, many people I know have never heard of Sting, much less listened to any of his music) but to me, the song really speaks volumes. Since I can't find any videos that have the lyrics on the screen, I found a video that had the lyrics in the description, but I'm going to put the lyrics in this post anyway, just because I can, haha.

"Inside" by Sting.

Inside the doors are sealed to love,
Inside my heart is sleeping.
Inside the fingers of my glove,
Inside the bones of my right hand.
Inside it's colder than the stars,
Inside the dogs are weeping.
Inside the circus of the wind,
Inside the clocks are filled with sand.
Inside she'll never hurt me,
Inside the winter's creeping.
Inside the compass of the night,
Inside the folding of the land.
Outside the stars are turning,
Outside the world's still burning.

Inside my head's a box of stars I never dared to open.
Inside the wounded hide their scars, inside this lonesome sparrow's fall.
Inside the songs of our defeat, they sing of treaties broken.
Inside this army's in retreat, we hide beneath the thunder's call.
Outside the rain keeps falling,
Outside the drums are calling.
Outside the flood won't wait,
Outside they're hammering down the gate.

Love is the child of an endless war.
Love is an open wound still raw.
Love is a shameless banner unfurled.
Love's an explosion,
Love is the fire of the world.
Love is a violent star,
A tide of destruction.
Love is an angry scar,
A violation, a mutilation, capitulation, love is annihilation, annihilation.

Inside the failures of the light, the night is wrapped around me.
Inside my eyes deny their sight, you'd never find me in this place.
Inside we're hidden from the moonlight, we shift between the shadows.
Inside the compass of the night, inside the memory of your face.
Outside the walls are shaking,
Inside the dogs are waking.
Outside the hurricane won't wait,
Inside they're howling down the gate.

Love is the child of an endless war.
Love is an open wound still raw.
Love is a shameless banner unfurled.
Love's an explosion,
Love is the fire at the end of the world.
Love is a violent star,
A tide of destruction.
Love is an angry scar,
The pain of instruction.
Love is a violation, a mutilation, capitulation,
Love is annihilation.

I climb this tower inside my head,
A spiral stair above my bed.
I dream the stairs don't ask me why,
I throw myself into the sky.

Love me like a baby, love me like an only child.
Love me like an ocean; love me like a mother mild.
Love me like a father, love me like a prodigal son.
Love me like a sister, love me like the world has just begun.
Love me like a prodigy, love me like an idiot boy.
Love me like an innocent, love me like your favorite toy.
Love me like a virgin, love me like a courtesan.
Love me like a sinner, love me like a dying man.

Annihilate me, infiltrate me, incinerate me, accelerate me, mutilate me, inundate me, violate me, implicate me, vindicate me, devastate me.

Love me like a parasite, love me like a dying sun.
Love me like a criminal, love me like a man on the run.

Radiate me, subjugate me, incubate me, recreate me, demarcate me, educate me, punctuate me, evaluate me, conjugate me, impregnate me, designate me, humiliate me, segregate me, opiate me, calibrate me, replicate me.

Spring Break 2012 :-)

So, I know it's been a while since my last post. Life has been very chaotic lately, with school, the show at the Nathaniel Center, and getting ready to transfer to Sam Houston has really kept me busy. I had my audition for the School of Music for Sam Houston on March 3rd, and I've still got my audition for the Musical Theater program. This week is tech week for the show at the Nathaniel Center, and then that weekend is the show, and once that's over I'll have more time for homework (getting homework done with this show going on hasn't been easy). So yeah, I'll be glad once this week is over and I can go back to focusing on getting ready to transfer.

I just got back from being on vacation, the first vacation I've had in I don't know how long. I went with my best friend Cassandra, her parents, her younger sister and her sister's friend to Gulf Shores, Alabama. We stayed in a hotel right on the beach, and it's so beautiful there. I've always loved the beach; the sand, the water, the waves, the seagulls, the sun, I love it all. It was really nice to just get away from everything for a week and to enjoy spending time with my best friend. And let me tell you, I had an AMAZING time! The water was so beautiful, and the sand was white. We saw lots of stingrays, jellyfish, pelicans, we even saw some dolphins one day. On the last night before we left to come home, Cassandra and I went for a walk on the beach at night. It was an amazing experience. Even though we were in a place where there were a lot of lights, when I looked up at the sky I saw so many stars it took my breath away. As we walked along the shore, I felt very much at peace and content. I haven't felt that way in a while; it was a sensation of being so perfectly happy and content with life, or at least, content and happy in that moment. It was one of those times where you just savor every second, because you know that moments like that don't happen a lot in life and you want to remember everything.

Cassandra and I had a great time together; we went tanning on the beach, went for walks around the town, went shopping (haha, I haven't shopped that much in a while, but I knew that I had to keep kind of a tight hold on my money, since I'm still saving for the trip to England and Scotland this summer), we drank pina coladas together (that was my first time ever having one. It. was. AWESOME!), we just had so much fun together! I can honestly say I haven't had that much fun in a while, especially with my best friend, the person who I tell everything to and who still loves me, despite knowing everything about me.

So, now I'm home. After spending a week in paradise, I have to be honest, I wasn't too happy about coming back home. I knew that when I got home I would have to come back to reality; to school, to the show, to all the family problems, to my own personal problems. I know you shouldn't run from your problems, but I really wasn't ready to come back home again. I could have probably stayed there a lot longer, and I wish we could have stayed longer. But, unfortunately, life doesn't work that way sometimes; we can't stay in our dreams because, eventually, we have to wake up and accept reality.

Well, I think that's enough for now. I probably won't be posting any updates until this week is over, so until next time, ciao!