So, as you all probably already know, tomorrow is the first day of December. I don't know about you, but I'm EXCITED!!!! :-) There's so much that's going to be going on in December; the dance concert, the Chamber Singers concert, and then... FINALS *shudders* ugh, just the thought of finals makes me feel sick. But then, once finals are over, that means I'll get a break and by then I'll hopefully have found a job of some kind. At this point, I'm so desperate for money, I think I'd take ANY job. I need to start earning money for the England and Scotland trip next summer, and I'm basically broke now. So yeah, let's hope that I find a job and that my dad finds a job too. Sure, he's working part-time now as a janitor at our church, but mom is still working full-time and we're still struggling financially. But, I don't want to talk about gloom and doom. I want to talk about CHRISTMAS!!!
My two favorite things about Christmas are all the colorful lights and, of course, all the amazing and fun music. I think it's safe to say that after Broadway songs, Christmas music is my favorite type of music. There's so much of it! And it's all so fun to sing. I love everything about Christmas; the decorations, the tree, the lights, the music, giving to other people, the presents (oh God, I sound like such a little kid... Eh, I don't care, haha!) everything! I just love Christmas. I have so many good memories of Christmas. My family has a few traditions that we stick to every year, and as I've gotten older and as the years have gone by, I've come to appreciate them a lot more now than I did when I was a kid. Every time we take out the decorations and put up the tree, every single decoration and ornament we have has a fond memory for me attached to it.We still have a lot of the decorations and ornaments that we've had ever since I was a little kid, which always takes me on a lovely trip down Memory Lane.
Funny... I know I'm only 21, but I feel a lot older than that some times. I can't explain it, but when I look at kids these days, or look through my Memory Box that has things in it from when I was little (my parents made each of us kids' a Memory Box, that has all kinds of paraphernalia from when we were all little) I feel so old. I know, I know; everyone out there who is 30 or over is going to want to hit me when I post this, saying how I feel so old when I'm just 21. But, I feel like that sometimes. It's weird. Anyway, back to talking about Christmas music! There's a couple songs I want to share with y'all :-)
Christmas is often considered a very romantic holiday, and I think that's definitely true. Someday, I'll have someone special to spend Christmas with (well... I already know EXACTLY who I would love to spend Christmas with, but that won't be happening...) But, until the day I do find my special someone, I'll just keep right on dreaming and singing my heart out. Now, because there are so many great and amazing Christmas songs out there, I'm only going to put a few of my favorites up. Trust me, I have A LOT MORE favorite Christmas songs than just these ones, but it would take forever for me to post them all. Okay, well, enjoy the music! :-) Until next time, farewell, my dear readers!
Okay, so, there are only a few songs out there that can make me cry, but this one never fails to make me cry.
"Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them?" ~ Glinda the Good Witch from the musical 'Wicked'.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Confession #9: Someday, I will find "Someone Like You"
So, I had somewhat of an awkward moment on Thanksgiving this year. The only family we have here in Texas is my brother and sister; the majority of our family lives in Michigan, and the rest are scattered everywhere else. So, naturally, we go to my brother's house for Thanksgiving. My sister comes, and this year she brought her baby boy, my nephew Caleb and her baby-daddy, Mike (yeah, they aren't married. and don't get me started on how much I hate this guy, because I have a very strong opinion of him.) Anyway, my brother is married (has been for a while now) and he and his wife, Trisha, have 3 kids; two girls, Addison and Peyton, and a little boy, Weston.
Now, Addison and Peyton, for whatever reason, absolutely love it when I come over (which isn't often anymore, since I'm busy trying to have my own life and being a full-time college student) and this time was no exception. After dinner, Addison (she's 8 I think) decided that it would be a good idea for us all to say what we're thankful for. Everyone in my family gave the traditional "I'm thankful for" answers; family, health, children, etc. I personally wasn't really thankful for any of those things. Truth be told, I'm thankful for a lot of things, but what I'm most thankful for is my friends, family (even if they drive me nuts sometimes) but I'm especially thankful for music, dance and theater. But, of course, since no one in my family does any of those things, none of them really understand how much music, dance and acting means to me. So I kept my mouth shut on those.
When it came to my turn (I was last. Go figure) I tried to avoid having to say anything altogether. It was then that Addison decided to suggest (or rather, blurt out) something that I might be thankful for.
"Are you thankful for your boyfriend?" She asked. My response to that?
"No... stop reminding me of the things I don't have that I wished I did" and I quickly downed the rest of my iced tea, wishing that it was some kind of alcoholic beverage so I could drown my sorrows and forget that I'm 21 and single.
See, my problem is this: I know lots of guys. But... the ones that I do know are either my ex, have a girlfriend, are gay or are married already. And the one guy that I DO like is a guy that I can't have. I know it seems like all I do is complain about being single, and I know I should be content with where I am right now, be content with what God has given me right now, blah blah blah blah. I know all that, don't think I don't. It just hurts, a lot more than people think it does. Everyone I know is in a relationship. Everyone I know is happy. I'm not. I'm neither in a relationship, nor am I happy. I may seem happy, and some days I am happy. But most of the time, I'm not. I just have to pretend, or people will start to worry, and I can't have that.
Anyway, this one guy that I have absolutely fallen head-over-heels for is, in my opinion, THE PERFECT GUY for me. But, I can't have him. I don't want to go into all that; it's so much drama, and to be quite honest, it's really complicated. And when I say complicated, I really do mean it's complicated. All I will say, is someday I hope to find someone exactly like him, because he's just so... perfect. He's the kind of guy any girl would be lucky to have. And, I'll say this... the girl that does have him? I hope she knows just how lucky she is to have him. She better know exactly just how lucky she is to have a guy like him. And if she doesn't know, she doesn't deserve him. That's all I'm going to say about that.
So, here's the song for my post. It's a song by a female singer named Adele, and it's called "Someone Like You". I think the song will explain itself.
P.S. I've started choreographing a dance for this, but I don't think I'll do this one next semester for the Spring dance concert. I've got another dance in mind for that. Well, enjoy. Until next time, farewell, my dear readers.
Now, Addison and Peyton, for whatever reason, absolutely love it when I come over (which isn't often anymore, since I'm busy trying to have my own life and being a full-time college student) and this time was no exception. After dinner, Addison (she's 8 I think) decided that it would be a good idea for us all to say what we're thankful for. Everyone in my family gave the traditional "I'm thankful for" answers; family, health, children, etc. I personally wasn't really thankful for any of those things. Truth be told, I'm thankful for a lot of things, but what I'm most thankful for is my friends, family (even if they drive me nuts sometimes) but I'm especially thankful for music, dance and theater. But, of course, since no one in my family does any of those things, none of them really understand how much music, dance and acting means to me. So I kept my mouth shut on those.
When it came to my turn (I was last. Go figure) I tried to avoid having to say anything altogether. It was then that Addison decided to suggest (or rather, blurt out) something that I might be thankful for.
"Are you thankful for your boyfriend?" She asked. My response to that?
"No... stop reminding me of the things I don't have that I wished I did" and I quickly downed the rest of my iced tea, wishing that it was some kind of alcoholic beverage so I could drown my sorrows and forget that I'm 21 and single.
See, my problem is this: I know lots of guys. But... the ones that I do know are either my ex, have a girlfriend, are gay or are married already. And the one guy that I DO like is a guy that I can't have. I know it seems like all I do is complain about being single, and I know I should be content with where I am right now, be content with what God has given me right now, blah blah blah blah. I know all that, don't think I don't. It just hurts, a lot more than people think it does. Everyone I know is in a relationship. Everyone I know is happy. I'm not. I'm neither in a relationship, nor am I happy. I may seem happy, and some days I am happy. But most of the time, I'm not. I just have to pretend, or people will start to worry, and I can't have that.
Anyway, this one guy that I have absolutely fallen head-over-heels for is, in my opinion, THE PERFECT GUY for me. But, I can't have him. I don't want to go into all that; it's so much drama, and to be quite honest, it's really complicated. And when I say complicated, I really do mean it's complicated. All I will say, is someday I hope to find someone exactly like him, because he's just so... perfect. He's the kind of guy any girl would be lucky to have. And, I'll say this... the girl that does have him? I hope she knows just how lucky she is to have him. She better know exactly just how lucky she is to have a guy like him. And if she doesn't know, she doesn't deserve him. That's all I'm going to say about that.
So, here's the song for my post. It's a song by a female singer named Adele, and it's called "Someone Like You". I think the song will explain itself.
P.S. I've started choreographing a dance for this, but I don't think I'll do this one next semester for the Spring dance concert. I've got another dance in mind for that. Well, enjoy. Until next time, farewell, my dear readers.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Confession #8: I wish I could meet an "Angel"
This semester has been really hard. Actually, this YEAR has been hard. Not just for me, but for my family. My dad has been unemployed for a year now. My grandma's brother, my uncle, is dying of cancer. My mom works full time, and even though dad has thankfully been giving a part-time janitor job at our church, we still struggle with money problems. I go to school full time and am looking for a job in order to pay for my trip to England and Scotland next summer. And while I do have a lot of good things going for me, at the end of the day, I am faced with the cold, hard facts of reality and some days it's just feels like more than I can handle. Honestly, I feel like I shouldn't have to deal with half the crap I'm dealing with. But, I wasn't exactly given a choice, so I just deal with it. Sometimes, I just have to hold back the tears, smile, laugh and pretend like everything's okay. Sometimes, that's the only way I can get through the day. Every day, people ask me "How are you?" or "Are you okay?" And usually, I answer the same way every time: "I'm okay". That's what I tell people. And it's the biggest lie ever told. But I hate bothering people with my problems. I always feel like I burden to others. Besides, everyone has their own problems to deal with. Why bother them with talking about my problems too?
Lately, it seems no matter what I do, whether it be in music or dance or acting, I'm never good enough. For anyone. Not for my choir director, or for any of the other students in the dance department, not for any of my friends or family. No one. I'm just not good enough for anyone it seems. It's never enough. What I do is never good enough. I'm never good enough. I just wish I could do something right for a change... Sometimes, I even wonder if anyone would even miss me if I was gone. Would anyone even care? Would anyone even notice if I was gone? And if anyone did notice, would it make any difference to anyone? Sometimes I wonder if I just left one day, and didn't tell anyone where I was going, would anyone even try to find me?
I wish I could meet an angel. I think an angel would be a good friend to have. An angel would be a great listener. And not only would they listen, but they would also be able to help me, too. An angel would makes things right, because angels can do miracles. And I could really use a miracle, or two, or three, right now. Anyway, this weekend is Thanksgiving break. I won't have to go to school on Thursday or Friday, which means I can sleep in and catch up on school work. I've got some papers for my dance classes that I have to write. I'm sure I'll post more during the weekend. Until then, farewell, my dear readers.
Lately, it seems no matter what I do, whether it be in music or dance or acting, I'm never good enough. For anyone. Not for my choir director, or for any of the other students in the dance department, not for any of my friends or family. No one. I'm just not good enough for anyone it seems. It's never enough. What I do is never good enough. I'm never good enough. I just wish I could do something right for a change... Sometimes, I even wonder if anyone would even miss me if I was gone. Would anyone even care? Would anyone even notice if I was gone? And if anyone did notice, would it make any difference to anyone? Sometimes I wonder if I just left one day, and didn't tell anyone where I was going, would anyone even try to find me?
I wish I could meet an angel. I think an angel would be a good friend to have. An angel would be a great listener. And not only would they listen, but they would also be able to help me, too. An angel would makes things right, because angels can do miracles. And I could really use a miracle, or two, or three, right now. Anyway, this weekend is Thanksgiving break. I won't have to go to school on Thursday or Friday, which means I can sleep in and catch up on school work. I've got some papers for my dance classes that I have to write. I'm sure I'll post more during the weekend. Until then, farewell, my dear readers.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Confessions #7: "My Heart's a Stereo", I've got "Moves Like Jagger" and Other Random Confessions
So it's been a while since my last confession, and so I'm going to post a couple different things in this post. To start off with, let me give you all a brief synopsis of what's been going on lately. It's November, which means the semester is more than half over, which for me means boatloads of homework and papers to do, along with several songs that need to be memorized for my voice jury, and I'm in 4 dances this semester, so there's rehearsals for that AND I'm doing a Christmas show at the Nathaniel Center, so there's rehearsals for THAT too. Good grief, it never stops! But at the end of the day, I love the insanity, hahaha :-)
Last week we had auditions for All State, but unfortunately I didn't make it, so I won't be going to San Antonio in February. I have to admit, I was really upset when I found out I didn't make it, and I'm still pretty depressed about it. But I've decided to try and look on the bright side. Also, I just sent in a job application for AMC Theaters and I'm hoping to get this job so that I can start working soon and save up for the trip to England and Scotland next summer. See, this is where the bright side of not going to All State comes in; while everyone else is in San Antonio spending their money, I'll be making money (if I get the job that is *crosses fingers*). Anyway, that's just a brief overview of what's been going on with me.
And now, some confessions! Haha! Oh! Before I do that, can I just say... WOW! Since my last post ("I'm in love with the perfect guy... I just "Haven't Met You Yet") I've had so many page views! Usually I don't reach 100 pages views that fast, but I have! It's amazing! And it's all thanks to you, my dear readers :-) Thank you to everyone who reads my blog! You guys are the best! :-) Okay, time for confessions!
So, if you've read my other blogs, you've probably noticed a theme in all of them: music. In all of my blogs, I share music videos and song lyrics. Why? Because I love music. It's who I am. I love performing, dancing, acting, all of it! And this is where my first confession comes in: "My Heart's a Stereo". The heart is generally seen as the source of all emotion and life, but for me, life doesn't just mean living, breathing and being alive. It means music. For me, music if life, and life is music. Therefore, this song is PERFECT to describe me. Not only is it a fun song (and Adam Levine sings in it. Can you say, sexy? Haha :-P) but it also talks about how the heart is a stereo that plays music. As I've said before, I believe in using songs to say things. When words fail, music speaks (quote by Hans Christian Anderson) and this for me is very true. So, if you want to hear what my heart is saying, turn it up and listen to the music :-)
Okay, next confession. No, I don't really have moves like Jagger, but I do love Maroon 5 (once again: Adam Levine = sexy. I'm just sayin, haha!) and this is just such a fun song that I just had to post it on here. Nothing really deep about that. Okay, moving on. Here's some random confessions!
Sometimes I wish I was a kid again... A scrapped knee is a lot easier to fix than a broken heart.
Life was easier when boys had cooties.
Music is my escape; from all the lies, all the drama, all the confusion, and all the hurt. Music is my escape from reality.
I'm not afraid to love, I'm afraid of not being loved back.
I may not be perfect, but I'm always me.
I believe in using songs to say things.
I don't fall in love easily, but when I do, I fall hard and I fall fast. So if you're not planning on catching me, don't make me fall for you.
"I'm strong, but I break. I'm stubborn, and I make plenty of mistakes. Yeah I'm hard, and life with me is never easy to figure out, to love, I'm jaded but oh so lovely... I'm confusing as hell. I'm north and south. And I'll probably never have it all figured out... " (lyrics from "Maybe" by Kelly Clarkson)
I love the rain. It's calming, soothing and makes me feel very content and at peace.
I love the woods. It's where I go for peace and quiet, to get away from the hustle and bustle of life and to distract myself from the chaos and confusion of humanity.
I tend to get along better with animals than I do people. People are judgmental, and animals will love you unconditionally. People hurt you, but animals have no end to their love. If you're looking for true love, look in the eyes of a dog or cat.
I bottle up my emotions and problems. I don't open up verbally to a lot of people, which is why it's far easier for me to write and sing about my problems and emotions than it is for me to verbally communicate them.
There are few people who I feel I can actually trust.
"It seems every time I find a good man, he's got a good little wife! I'm not jealous, but I won't lie, I don't wanna hear about your wonderful life!" (lyrics from "How I Feel" by Kelly Clarkson)
Sometimes I really wish I was a kid again, back in the days when: boys had cooties, you got "drunk" off of Capri Sun and Kool-Aid, you didn't care about watching your figure, working out was playing outside in the backyard all day long, and the only drama you had to deal with was if someone stole your crayons. I miss being a kid.
And now, time for some music!
And here's a freebie.
Last week we had auditions for All State, but unfortunately I didn't make it, so I won't be going to San Antonio in February. I have to admit, I was really upset when I found out I didn't make it, and I'm still pretty depressed about it. But I've decided to try and look on the bright side. Also, I just sent in a job application for AMC Theaters and I'm hoping to get this job so that I can start working soon and save up for the trip to England and Scotland next summer. See, this is where the bright side of not going to All State comes in; while everyone else is in San Antonio spending their money, I'll be making money (if I get the job that is *crosses fingers*). Anyway, that's just a brief overview of what's been going on with me.
And now, some confessions! Haha! Oh! Before I do that, can I just say... WOW! Since my last post ("I'm in love with the perfect guy... I just "Haven't Met You Yet") I've had so many page views! Usually I don't reach 100 pages views that fast, but I have! It's amazing! And it's all thanks to you, my dear readers :-) Thank you to everyone who reads my blog! You guys are the best! :-) Okay, time for confessions!
So, if you've read my other blogs, you've probably noticed a theme in all of them: music. In all of my blogs, I share music videos and song lyrics. Why? Because I love music. It's who I am. I love performing, dancing, acting, all of it! And this is where my first confession comes in: "My Heart's a Stereo". The heart is generally seen as the source of all emotion and life, but for me, life doesn't just mean living, breathing and being alive. It means music. For me, music if life, and life is music. Therefore, this song is PERFECT to describe me. Not only is it a fun song (and Adam Levine sings in it. Can you say, sexy? Haha :-P) but it also talks about how the heart is a stereo that plays music. As I've said before, I believe in using songs to say things. When words fail, music speaks (quote by Hans Christian Anderson) and this for me is very true. So, if you want to hear what my heart is saying, turn it up and listen to the music :-)
Okay, next confession. No, I don't really have moves like Jagger, but I do love Maroon 5 (once again: Adam Levine = sexy. I'm just sayin, haha!) and this is just such a fun song that I just had to post it on here. Nothing really deep about that. Okay, moving on. Here's some random confessions!
Sometimes I wish I was a kid again... A scrapped knee is a lot easier to fix than a broken heart.
Life was easier when boys had cooties.
Music is my escape; from all the lies, all the drama, all the confusion, and all the hurt. Music is my escape from reality.
I'm not afraid to love, I'm afraid of not being loved back.
I may not be perfect, but I'm always me.
I believe in using songs to say things.
I don't fall in love easily, but when I do, I fall hard and I fall fast. So if you're not planning on catching me, don't make me fall for you.
"I'm strong, but I break. I'm stubborn, and I make plenty of mistakes. Yeah I'm hard, and life with me is never easy to figure out, to love, I'm jaded but oh so lovely... I'm confusing as hell. I'm north and south. And I'll probably never have it all figured out... " (lyrics from "Maybe" by Kelly Clarkson)
I love the rain. It's calming, soothing and makes me feel very content and at peace.
I love the woods. It's where I go for peace and quiet, to get away from the hustle and bustle of life and to distract myself from the chaos and confusion of humanity.
I tend to get along better with animals than I do people. People are judgmental, and animals will love you unconditionally. People hurt you, but animals have no end to their love. If you're looking for true love, look in the eyes of a dog or cat.
I bottle up my emotions and problems. I don't open up verbally to a lot of people, which is why it's far easier for me to write and sing about my problems and emotions than it is for me to verbally communicate them.
There are few people who I feel I can actually trust.
"It seems every time I find a good man, he's got a good little wife! I'm not jealous, but I won't lie, I don't wanna hear about your wonderful life!" (lyrics from "How I Feel" by Kelly Clarkson)
Sometimes I really wish I was a kid again, back in the days when: boys had cooties, you got "drunk" off of Capri Sun and Kool-Aid, you didn't care about watching your figure, working out was playing outside in the backyard all day long, and the only drama you had to deal with was if someone stole your crayons. I miss being a kid.
And now, time for some music!
And here's a freebie.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Confession #6: I'm in love with the perfect guy... I just "Haven't Met You Yet"
So, it's been a while since I posted a confession, but school has been so brutal this semester that I just haven't had time to sit down and write something (well, I've written plenty of things... English papers mainly, hahaha.) Anyway, this confession is based on a song by one of my favorite male singers, Michael Buble (I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: OMG HE IS SO SEXY!!!!!!!! Ok, I'm done now.) So, this song is called "Haven't Met You Yet" and it's a song about a guy who just hasn't had any luck in the Love Department, but that he knows someday he'll be with the perfect girl. He just hasn't met her yet. I love this song, for two reasons:
A. Michael Buble has such a SEXY VOICE.
and,
2. The lyrics are very true, and I think this song is the perfect song for anyone who is still waiting to find that perfect person.
Lately, I've been thinking about love (yeah, I know, shocking right?). It's just, it seems like all my friends are either currently in a relationship with someone, or they're engaged or they're married now, and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever meet that perfect guy for me. My luck with guys has been horrible; every guy I know or who I'm friends with is either my ex, is in a relationship with some other girl, or they're gay or married. I'm hoping that when I go to Sam Houston next fall that I'll find my perfect guy, but it's hard to think about that now when I'm so lonely and wanting to be with someone right now. And that is why I love this song, because it gives me a little bit of hope that my guy IS out there... I just haven't met him yet :-)
A. Michael Buble has such a SEXY VOICE.
and,
2. The lyrics are very true, and I think this song is the perfect song for anyone who is still waiting to find that perfect person.
Lately, I've been thinking about love (yeah, I know, shocking right?). It's just, it seems like all my friends are either currently in a relationship with someone, or they're engaged or they're married now, and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever meet that perfect guy for me. My luck with guys has been horrible; every guy I know or who I'm friends with is either my ex, is in a relationship with some other girl, or they're gay or married. I'm hoping that when I go to Sam Houston next fall that I'll find my perfect guy, but it's hard to think about that now when I'm so lonely and wanting to be with someone right now. And that is why I love this song, because it gives me a little bit of hope that my guy IS out there... I just haven't met him yet :-)
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