Here's an example of a typical conversation I have with people when I first meet them:
New person: (after I've told them I'm in college and where I go) So what's your major?
Me: I'm a theatre major.
(And then, they usually say one of these statements)
New person: Oh! So, what do you plan to do with that?/Oh, that's nice/cool/interesting.
Me: Yeah, it's great to be doing what I love.
And then the inevitable question that I hate more than anything:
New person: So... what are you going to do after you graduate?
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After having had this same conversation several times since I started going to Sam Houston, I've decided that I would make a post about why exactly I am a theatre major, so those of you who have wondered the same things about me can understand and can stop asking these questions, which quite honestly, I'm getting tired of trying to answer.
1. Theatre = Life.
Theatre, for me, is about life. It's about living in the moment, letting the emotions of your monologue or the lyrics from that chorus number wash over you and let it fill you up to the point where you have no other choice BUT to react in some way, whether positively or negatively.
2. Theatre is where I can find out who I am.
Acting is both about lying and about being real. You lie, because... well, you're not you. You're portraying someone else, a character, who you may or may not relate to on any level. And at the same time, it's about finding out who you are. As you get to know the character you also start making discoveries about yourself. You come to learn things about yourself you never knew before, and then in the end, you're a better person for it.
3. Theatre makes you feel.
Theatre is all about feelings and emotions; it's stories, lies, truths, love, loss, pain, joy, anger. If it makes you feel, it means something. I have seen so many shows, and every time I go see one I always feel something different. Shows have made me laugh, they have made me cry, they have made me angry. I think that, as a society, we have forgotten how to feel; we teach children that crying is wrong, that if a boy cries he is weak, and that if a girl cries it makes her weaker and therefore cannot ever be strong. We teach men and women that emotions are "pointless", that they get in the way and that any negative emotion is a "bad" emotion and should be medicated away. People need to FEEL. They need to be able to feel; to cry, to be angry, to be joyful and happy. And theatre makes that happen for so many people.
4. Theatre brings you a variety of amazing friends.
When I first started doing community theatre, it was mainly with family friendly, church-centered groups, so therefore most of the friends I made in theatre were friends who were usually younger than me (although I did meet a few adult and teenage friends from when I did my few shows with the Houston Family Arts Center) but mostly, they were friends who had grown up having the same values instilled in them as had been instilled in me. When I started attending Sam Houston, I knew that I would be around different people than I had gotten used to, but I was excited to be changing to a different theatre scene. I have made so many amazing friends in my first year at Sam, and I am excited to all the other friends I will make in the next few years. They say that the people you were friends with in college usually don't remain your friends after graduation, because then you all go off in different directions and will never see or hear from each other ever again. I hope that will not be the case with my new-found friends at Sam, because I can see us all staying friends for a long time.
5. Theatre forces you to see the world from different viewpoints.
While most people would be content to stay in the safety that is their Comfort Zone and not have to think about things that might seem contradictory to their belief system or set of morals, theatre forces you to stand in someone else's shoes and see the world through their eyes. One good example of this: last semester, I did a scene in my acting class with my good friend Chris from The American Clock by Arthur Miller. The scene we did was from later on in the play (if you've never heard of it or read it, go look it up. Seriously, talk about a great script!) and my character was... well, to put it bluntly, she was a Communist, and she really was passionate about her politics and her belief that Socialism was going to save America. Or when I did a scene from Beth Henley's Abundance (actually I've done two scenes from that now, but anyway) and my character was basically a mail-order bride who had come out West along with another girl to meet their husbands. I've never been in either of these situations, but I had to pretend that I knew what it was like to be that person, in order to make my performance believable and real. There are other examples I could give, but it would take up more time to go through them all.
6. Theatre makes me feel accepted.
Let's face it: I don't quite fit in anywhere. I have always thought that, ever since I was little. I thought that music and choir would give me a place to belong, but instead, it only made me feel more isolated. When I started doing theatre after I left CBC (supposedly having been "cured" of my anorexia) my mom told me about auditions at the local community center for a musical. She told me that she almost DIDN'T tell me because she was afraid that if I auditioned and didn't get a role that I would just fall back into my anorexia behaviors. But I did get a role (my first lead role) and... well, the rest is history. When I started going to Kingwood as a music major, I thought I had found my life's calling, but, as certain event unfolded in the three years I was there, I began to see that, perhaps, this was not what I was meant to do. In a way, it started feeling like high school all over again. So, when I finally got accepted to SHSU, I knew it would be an opportunity to see if theatre was where I was meant to go. And it is.
7. The feeling I get when I'm on stage is a feeling I can't find anywhere else.
When I'm on stage, whether singing or acting, or even dancing, I get this feeling that I have never felt before. It's better than falling in love! It's a feeling that, once you feel it, it becomes like a drug; you need more, you crave more, you can't get enough, and you will do anything to get back under that spotlight again. It's not easy to describe. It's like being on top of the world, only better. When you can make an audience laugh, cry, or sing along with you, you feel like you've done something truly worthwhile.
8. While it's not easy to explain every reason for why I love theatre and why I chose to pursue a degree in it, here are some quotes that summarize every reason perfectly.
"The theatre is the only institution in the world which has been dying for four thousand years and has never succumbed. It requires tough and devoted people to keep it alive." - John Steinbeck.
"Being onstage is just a feeling you cannot
duplicate anywhere else because the energy that the audience is giving
you forces you to give more energy. It's such an output exchange of
energy. You can't do that anywhere else."- Aaron Tveit.
"That the scarey thing about theatre - it doesn't live on. But that's actually the most beautiful thing about it, too. That's why it's more beautiful than film and certainly more beautiful than television, because it's like life. Real life. Any picture you take or any video that you make of yourself is not really you, it's only any image that represents the experience you had. In theatre, the process of it is the experience. Everyone goes through the process, and everyone has the experience together. It doesn't last - only in people's memories and in their hearts. That's the beauty and sadness of it. But that's life - the beauty and the sadness. And that's why theatre is life." - Sherie Rene Scott
"Movies will make you famous, television will make you rich, but theatre will make you good." - Terrence Mann
"There is that smaller world which is the stage, and that larger stage which is the world." - Isaac Goldberg.
"They say for every light on Broadway there is a broken heart, an unrealized dream. And that's the same way in every profession. So you have to want it more than anyone else, and you have to be your own champion, be your own superstar, blaze your own path, say yes to every opportunity, follow your instincts, be eager, and passionate, keep learning, nurture your real, lasting relationships, don't be a jerk, and free your imagination so you can become all that you want to be." - Sutton Foster.
"I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being." - Oscar Wilde.
"Acting is not about being someone different. It's finding the similarity in what is apparently different, then finding myself there." Meryl Streep.
"The world's a stage, but the play is badly cast." - Oscar Wilde.
"With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it's just not acting. It's lying." - Johnny Depp.
"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." - Sean O'Casey.
"In the theatre we play. That's why we call them 'plays', right? We're playing together. That's a sweet and gentle way of saying it. Except it's very real. It's grown-up play. And that's how we stay in touch with the child within us." - Chita Rivera, excerpt from the book 'The Alchemy of Theatre'.
"Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them?" ~ Glinda the Good Witch from the musical 'Wicked'.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
24 Confessions for my 24th Birthday
My 24th birthday was on Sunday, May 11, Mother's Day. In honor of this, I've decided to write out twenty-four confessions that people may or may not know about me. And so, without further ado, here's twenty-four confessions about me.
- I once tried to be a vegetarian. That didn't last long.
- I tried hooka once. I inhaled instead of exhaling, which made me choke on it. I didn't try that again.
- I play violin, and was in the Jackson Symphony Orchestra (JSO) for the few years we lived in Michigan, as well as taking violin lessons.
- When I was little, I wanted to be a veterinarian and a Power Ranger.
- I cut my hair several times when I was little. Those haircuts never turned out very well.
- I never played any sports when I was younger. The closest things I ever did to sports was swim lessons and roller skating. I wasn't interested in sports.
- I didn't have a lot of friends for the few years I was in public school, or at least, I don't remember having many friends, because I always wanted to put on shows and singing performances, and the other kids didn't want to do that.
- I actually had my first alcoholic drink a few weeks before my 21st birthday. I was at a party with my choir college friends.
- I've been drunk three times, but I've never had a hangover or thrown up while drunk. I have, however, done some things while drunk that I'm not proud of (but haven't we all?)
- I believe in ghosts, the supernatural, demons, spirits, angels, and basically anything related to the paranormal, including aliens. Basically, I believe that unexplainable things can and do happen.
- I don't claim to belong to any particular political party, and at this point in my life I am pro-choice, but I'm still unsure where exactly I stand on gay marriage, although I do support my LGBT friends.
- I am a believe in Jesus Christ and while I do claim to be a Christian, obviously there are some things I do have a different opinion and belief in that goes against general Christian doctrine.
- I don't believe that Christianity is the only "right" religion; all religions have their place in the spiritual realm and all have different aspects of them that I believe have significance.
- I love photography and would love to start my own photography business once I get training.
- I want to learn some form of martial arts and I want to try kickboxing.
- One time I was sexually assault at a Halloween party by an older man. His wife and daughter were just around the corner. I managed to get away before he could go any farther.
- At 21 I gave my virginity to a man I was madly in love with.
- The last three relationships I was in were with guys who were music majors, either instrumentalists or vocalists. Only one of those relationships ended with both of us on good terms.
- The thought of having kids scares the f*%#ing s@$t out of me. While most of my friends are getting married and having babies, I have no desire to have kids. I'm tired of being told "Oh you'll change your mind soon!", "Motherhood is such a joy!", "Your biological clock is ticking!" and worst of all, "If you don't have kids, you'll regret it when you're older." So, I'm going to get on my soap box for a minute, because I have something to say and I'm not going to say it again. DON'T. TELL. ME. HOW. TO. LIVE. MY. LIFE. It's MY body, MY life, and MY decision. Yes, my husband's opinion does matter, but he also respects me enough to know that an important decision like this is something that shouldn't be taken lightly and that if I don't feel ready or don't think it will be the best decision for both of us, he understands and respects that. Please respect me enough to not try and push your agenda on me, because the more people try to push, the more resistant I will become. I have my reasons for not wanting kids, and if you're really concerned about my reproductive activities you can ask me yourself. Rant over.
- I have an older brother and older sister, neither of which I have ever had a good relationship with. Sometimes I wonder if they wish I had never been born, then maybe they would be happier.
- Because I was home schooled, many people thought I would miss out on all the social activities of being in a public school system, or that I would be socially awkward, or not have a lot of friends. I am one of the most social people I know, and yes, to an extent I am socially awkward, but that's because I'm a theate major, and while I used to have a lot of friends back in high school, I have lost a lot of them over the years, but I guess that's just part of growing up.
- I often feel very isolated from the world, mostly because I don't have a lot of friends to do stuff with anymore; they've all gone off to other schools or are getting ready to go to other schools, and my biggest fear is that I will lose my only best friend (besides Eric) once she goes away to school too, but what's worse is that I already feel like I'm losing her.
- I hate math. Enough said.
- Being on stage and performing in front of people is the only place that I feel I can truly be myself. When I'm on stage, whether singing or acting, I feel that the stage is the safest place in the world. It's the only place where I can let myself feel all my emotions deeply and where I can share those emotions and feelings with everyone, because there is someone in that audience who needs to know that I understand how they feel, and that they are not alone in their feelings, and that it is okay to feel that way. I believe Oscar Wilde said it best: "I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being."
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
10 Honest Thoughts on being a Survivor of Anorexia
1. I look in the mirror, and I hate my body.
I hate how flat my chest is,
How wide my hips are, not small and petite like the models on TV and in magazines.
How big and flabby my butt is, not tight and round and firm like those Victoria's Secret models.
I hate that I will never be a size 2, or weigh less than 110 pounds.
But I also want to live.
2. My body image issues don't just stop at how much I weigh.
Whenever I see girls with small waists but large breasts, I wish that was me.
Whenever I see girls with chiseled abs and strong, muscular, lean bodies, I wish I had that much dedication to spend hours in the gym to tone my body.
Whenever I see girls with beautiful, flawless skin, I want to stick a paper bag over my head.
3. I love food, but I sometimes I feel guilty after eating it.
I feel ashamed sometimes when I eat more ice cream than the container says is a portion size.
I feel gross sometimes if I eat that piece of chocolate when I know I should have had a healthier alternative.
I feel disgusted with myself if I suddenly have a craving for something "fattening", like ice cream or cake.
4. I know that the women in magazines are often Photoshopped, but I don't care.
When I get a Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail, it makes me feel so depressed. But it also makes me want to go out and eat a gallon of ice cream, to wallow in my imperfections.
I sometimes want to download and buy Photoshop and edit all of my pictures on Facebook, just to make other people think I really do look that perfect.
I also want to download Photoshop to make my other friends jealous of how I look, because I want to be as beautiful as my friends are; I get so jealous when I see how beautiful and perfect my friends look in their pictures.
5. I don't always like the way I look in my clothes, but going clothes shopping makes me nervous.
It's always a nightmare to shop for clothes when all you're worried about is the fact that you wear double digit jean size.
While shopping for shirts isn't so bad, it's annoying when you try on a low-cut shirt and you're met with disappointment that your chest size isn't big enough to fill that shirt out just right.
And forget about bathing suit shopping. Even if everyone tells you how great you look in a bikini, you just can't believe them because, according to that dressing room mirror, you'll be sporting big t-shirts and long shorts this summer. Forget about tanning or looking cute for those summer parties; just plan to stay home and check out all your friends photos from their summer vacations in Costa Rica on Facebook.
6. When you know men don't find you attractive, but you can't quite figure out exactly why.
Is it because you aren't showing off every inch of skin you have, or is it because they don't want to see ANY of your skin?
Is it because you aren't wearing designer clothes, or is it because those cheap jeans you got from Walmart that your friend said didn't make your butt look big, actually DO make your butt look big and NOT in a good way?
Or is it because... you're just ugly?
7. Sometimes working out and exercising is the only way for you to calm your inner demons... and to shut up your inner fat girl who only wants to eat ice cream and binge watch TV shows on Netflix.
When I'm working out, no one can tell me what to do. I alone am in charge of my work out session, and for that hour or half an hour that I am in the gym, it makes me feel like I finally have control over my life.
I work out to be a healthy person, but I also work out so that I can feel somewhat better about putting on that cute shirt I've been wanting to wear for months but feel that I'm too "fat" to be able to wear.
I wish I had extra hours in the day, just so I could have more time to work out and still be able to do everything that needs to get done. And then, I could wear my cute shirts more often.
8. When you want to be healthy and look sexy and attractive for your spouse or your significant other, but you also wonder if they would still love you even if you weren't skinny anymore.
You wonder if they don't just love you for your personality and heart, but for your body as well, and if they do, could they be okay if you started putting on weight?
You wonder if, as you start to get older, if they will still love you, despite the sudden appearance of age spots, lines and wrinkles, sagging skin, and a less-than-perfect figure.
You wonder if having children will even be worth it, because of all that weight you know you will put on, and the one thing every woman dreads: stretch marks.
9. When people ask me questions like, "So... are you better now?" or, "Would you please talk to my best friend/my co-worker/my sister/my niece/my aunt/my mom/my cousin/my daughter/my neighbor? I think she has an eating disorder and it would be great if you could help her," or, "Why would you be scared of food? It's just food."
No, I'm not "better"; it's called recovery. I am a recovering anorexic.
Yes, I will try to talk to the person you wish for me to talk to, but it's not that simple. Some people don't want help.
It's not about food, at least, it's not just about food; there is always more to an eating disorder than just avoiding or binging and purging food.
10. I look in the mirror, and I hate my body.
I hate how flat my chest is,
How wide my hips are, not small and petite like the models on TV and in magazines.
How big and flabby my butt is, not tight and round and firm like those Victoria's Secret models.
I hate that I will never be a size 2, or weigh less than 110 pounds.
But I also want to live.
I want to live a wonderful, happy, healthy life.
I want to be the person I was meant to be.
I want to help others.
I want to help make other people happy.
I want to be a good person.
I am a survivor of anorexia.
I hate how flat my chest is,
How wide my hips are, not small and petite like the models on TV and in magazines.
How big and flabby my butt is, not tight and round and firm like those Victoria's Secret models.
I hate that I will never be a size 2, or weigh less than 110 pounds.
But I also want to live.
2. My body image issues don't just stop at how much I weigh.
Whenever I see girls with small waists but large breasts, I wish that was me.
Whenever I see girls with chiseled abs and strong, muscular, lean bodies, I wish I had that much dedication to spend hours in the gym to tone my body.
Whenever I see girls with beautiful, flawless skin, I want to stick a paper bag over my head.
3. I love food, but I sometimes I feel guilty after eating it.
I feel ashamed sometimes when I eat more ice cream than the container says is a portion size.
I feel gross sometimes if I eat that piece of chocolate when I know I should have had a healthier alternative.
I feel disgusted with myself if I suddenly have a craving for something "fattening", like ice cream or cake.
4. I know that the women in magazines are often Photoshopped, but I don't care.
When I get a Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail, it makes me feel so depressed. But it also makes me want to go out and eat a gallon of ice cream, to wallow in my imperfections.
I sometimes want to download and buy Photoshop and edit all of my pictures on Facebook, just to make other people think I really do look that perfect.
I also want to download Photoshop to make my other friends jealous of how I look, because I want to be as beautiful as my friends are; I get so jealous when I see how beautiful and perfect my friends look in their pictures.
5. I don't always like the way I look in my clothes, but going clothes shopping makes me nervous.
It's always a nightmare to shop for clothes when all you're worried about is the fact that you wear double digit jean size.
While shopping for shirts isn't so bad, it's annoying when you try on a low-cut shirt and you're met with disappointment that your chest size isn't big enough to fill that shirt out just right.
And forget about bathing suit shopping. Even if everyone tells you how great you look in a bikini, you just can't believe them because, according to that dressing room mirror, you'll be sporting big t-shirts and long shorts this summer. Forget about tanning or looking cute for those summer parties; just plan to stay home and check out all your friends photos from their summer vacations in Costa Rica on Facebook.
6. When you know men don't find you attractive, but you can't quite figure out exactly why.
Is it because you aren't showing off every inch of skin you have, or is it because they don't want to see ANY of your skin?
Is it because you aren't wearing designer clothes, or is it because those cheap jeans you got from Walmart that your friend said didn't make your butt look big, actually DO make your butt look big and NOT in a good way?
Or is it because... you're just ugly?
7. Sometimes working out and exercising is the only way for you to calm your inner demons... and to shut up your inner fat girl who only wants to eat ice cream and binge watch TV shows on Netflix.
When I'm working out, no one can tell me what to do. I alone am in charge of my work out session, and for that hour or half an hour that I am in the gym, it makes me feel like I finally have control over my life.
I work out to be a healthy person, but I also work out so that I can feel somewhat better about putting on that cute shirt I've been wanting to wear for months but feel that I'm too "fat" to be able to wear.
I wish I had extra hours in the day, just so I could have more time to work out and still be able to do everything that needs to get done. And then, I could wear my cute shirts more often.
8. When you want to be healthy and look sexy and attractive for your spouse or your significant other, but you also wonder if they would still love you even if you weren't skinny anymore.
You wonder if they don't just love you for your personality and heart, but for your body as well, and if they do, could they be okay if you started putting on weight?
You wonder if, as you start to get older, if they will still love you, despite the sudden appearance of age spots, lines and wrinkles, sagging skin, and a less-than-perfect figure.
You wonder if having children will even be worth it, because of all that weight you know you will put on, and the one thing every woman dreads: stretch marks.
9. When people ask me questions like, "So... are you better now?" or, "Would you please talk to my best friend/my co-worker/my sister/my niece/my aunt/my mom/my cousin/my daughter/my neighbor? I think she has an eating disorder and it would be great if you could help her," or, "Why would you be scared of food? It's just food."
No, I'm not "better"; it's called recovery. I am a recovering anorexic.
Yes, I will try to talk to the person you wish for me to talk to, but it's not that simple. Some people don't want help.
It's not about food, at least, it's not just about food; there is always more to an eating disorder than just avoiding or binging and purging food.
10. I look in the mirror, and I hate my body.
I hate how flat my chest is,
How wide my hips are, not small and petite like the models on TV and in magazines.
How big and flabby my butt is, not tight and round and firm like those Victoria's Secret models.
I hate that I will never be a size 2, or weigh less than 110 pounds.
But I also want to live.
I want to live a wonderful, happy, healthy life.
I want to be the person I was meant to be.
I want to help others.
I want to help make other people happy.
I want to be a good person.
I am a survivor of anorexia.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
A Look Back on 2013, and Other Stuff
Well, here we are, ladies and gentlemen: 2014. Funny how 2013 just seemed to fly by so fast. New Year's Eve, I spent helping my mom at her work (she works at a retirement home and just got promoted to Activities Director, so she's been very swamped at work and since I'm on winter break, I've been helping her out until they get fully staffed) and then I came home and had a small get-together with some of my close (and really only) friends and my husband, and we rang in the new year. Note to self: tequila is NOT your friend, and it never will be. While I only had two margaritas, and quite honestly I didn't put much alcohol in either of them, and I only had one wine cocktail, I didn't feel the best the next morning. I guess that is what I get for not having had much alcohol in the last couple months. Oh well.
So... let's be honest, 2013 was definitely my year. I don't mean that to sound selfish, but in a way, it was. I finally had a year where only good things happened to me. I finally had a year where I can look back on it and smile, knowing that not a single horrible thing happened to me. I finally got everything I've ever wanted: a husband who loves me and cares for me deeply, and going to the school of my dreams (even if I'm not majoring in what I really wanted to.) Yeah, there were a few bumps along the way; lost some friends (or people who I thought were friends) and made a few new ones but most importantly, I found out who my true friends are. And to me, I would much rather have a few true friends than a bunch of people who claim to be my friends.
Now that 2014 is here, I have a few things to look forward to, mainly auditions and continuing on with school. I have four auditions at school coming up in about two weeks and I still need to work on memorizing my monologues (at least I have them picked out, so the hardest part is done) and then just focus on getting through another semester. As far as summer plans go, haven't figured that out yet. I would like to volunteer at an animal shelter, but that's the only thing I have thought of so far. I am trying to not think about/worry about things that are too far ahead in the future; I'm trying to learn to take things slowly and just focus on what I can right now, or in my case, for the upcoming semester. I have a tendency to think too much about/worry too much about the future and things that are too far out of my control, so I'm wanting to take things slowly, one step at a time, and save myself from unnecessary stress.
If you've read my last couple posts about learning to "Let It Go", then you probably already know what some of my new year's resolutions are. But I don't want to think of them as "new year's resolutions"; I want to think of them as life resolutions; things I want/need to do for the rest of my life, things I need to change about myself, but that I know will take much more than a single year to resolve. And I think that's okay. I think it's okay to not try to make big life changes in a single year. It's one thing to resolve to lose 15/20 pounds in a year or in six months; it's something else entirely when you want to change your entire thought process/behavior/personality in a year to six months. To me, that's far too much pressure. Better to know that you need to change and to make conscious efforts throughout the years to make those changes happen.
One thing I'm going to do this year is start with me. I have a lot of personal changes I need to make, but in order to make those changes, I have to be willing to be open about my struggles and challenges so that I can learn from them, change them and grow. There's a lot of things in this world that could be changed if people just focused on changing themselves to think different, to respond differently, to be more open and honest with themselves and with others. This world would be a much better place if everyone stopped pointing fingers, name calling and blaming others and just focused on themselves and change themselves for the better.
So, whatever your new year's resolution is, whether it's to lose weight/get healthy, get out of debt/be more conscious with your finances, go back to school, get a better, more fulfilling job, quit smoking/drinking, whatever it is, do it for you. Don't do it because your parents/friends/family say you should, don't do it because "everyone else is doing it"; do it for you. Do it because YOU want to, or because, deep down, you know you really need to. If it's losing weight you want to do, do it because you want to feel better and look better for you; not for your parents, not for your friends, not for your husband/wife, not for your kids, not for anyone but you. Do it for your own personal health. Do it so that you can feel better about yourself. Do it because you love yourself, which is hard to do, I know. But above all else, you need to do it for you, because loving your body and taking care of it is the best thing you could ever do for yourself and for those who love you and want to spend many happy years with you. The same thing goes for if you're wanting to quit smoking or drinking. ALL OF THAT APPLIES TO YOU TOO. Do it for yourself and for your own personal health. Trust me, your body will thank you later.
And now, here's Mr. Michael Jackson. This song is basically what I want to live by for the rest of this year and all the years to come.
So... let's be honest, 2013 was definitely my year. I don't mean that to sound selfish, but in a way, it was. I finally had a year where only good things happened to me. I finally had a year where I can look back on it and smile, knowing that not a single horrible thing happened to me. I finally got everything I've ever wanted: a husband who loves me and cares for me deeply, and going to the school of my dreams (even if I'm not majoring in what I really wanted to.) Yeah, there were a few bumps along the way; lost some friends (or people who I thought were friends) and made a few new ones but most importantly, I found out who my true friends are. And to me, I would much rather have a few true friends than a bunch of people who claim to be my friends.
Now that 2014 is here, I have a few things to look forward to, mainly auditions and continuing on with school. I have four auditions at school coming up in about two weeks and I still need to work on memorizing my monologues (at least I have them picked out, so the hardest part is done) and then just focus on getting through another semester. As far as summer plans go, haven't figured that out yet. I would like to volunteer at an animal shelter, but that's the only thing I have thought of so far. I am trying to not think about/worry about things that are too far ahead in the future; I'm trying to learn to take things slowly and just focus on what I can right now, or in my case, for the upcoming semester. I have a tendency to think too much about/worry too much about the future and things that are too far out of my control, so I'm wanting to take things slowly, one step at a time, and save myself from unnecessary stress.
If you've read my last couple posts about learning to "Let It Go", then you probably already know what some of my new year's resolutions are. But I don't want to think of them as "new year's resolutions"; I want to think of them as life resolutions; things I want/need to do for the rest of my life, things I need to change about myself, but that I know will take much more than a single year to resolve. And I think that's okay. I think it's okay to not try to make big life changes in a single year. It's one thing to resolve to lose 15/20 pounds in a year or in six months; it's something else entirely when you want to change your entire thought process/behavior/personality in a year to six months. To me, that's far too much pressure. Better to know that you need to change and to make conscious efforts throughout the years to make those changes happen.
One thing I'm going to do this year is start with me. I have a lot of personal changes I need to make, but in order to make those changes, I have to be willing to be open about my struggles and challenges so that I can learn from them, change them and grow. There's a lot of things in this world that could be changed if people just focused on changing themselves to think different, to respond differently, to be more open and honest with themselves and with others. This world would be a much better place if everyone stopped pointing fingers, name calling and blaming others and just focused on themselves and change themselves for the better.
So, whatever your new year's resolution is, whether it's to lose weight/get healthy, get out of debt/be more conscious with your finances, go back to school, get a better, more fulfilling job, quit smoking/drinking, whatever it is, do it for you. Don't do it because your parents/friends/family say you should, don't do it because "everyone else is doing it"; do it for you. Do it because YOU want to, or because, deep down, you know you really need to. If it's losing weight you want to do, do it because you want to feel better and look better for you; not for your parents, not for your friends, not for your husband/wife, not for your kids, not for anyone but you. Do it for your own personal health. Do it so that you can feel better about yourself. Do it because you love yourself, which is hard to do, I know. But above all else, you need to do it for you, because loving your body and taking care of it is the best thing you could ever do for yourself and for those who love you and want to spend many happy years with you. The same thing goes for if you're wanting to quit smoking or drinking. ALL OF THAT APPLIES TO YOU TOO. Do it for yourself and for your own personal health. Trust me, your body will thank you later.
And now, here's Mr. Michael Jackson. This song is basically what I want to live by for the rest of this year and all the years to come.
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