My Crazy, Beautiful and Chaotic Life

So, for this post I decided to write an actual blog post instead of just posting a confession (at the moment, I am fresh out of confessions, hahaha.) Anyway, as the title says, my life has been crazy, beautiful and chaotic all at once lately. Crazy in the fact that I feel like I never get a moment to rest and relax, beautiful because I'm becoming more and more confident in dance, and chaotic because... well, I'm not going to go too much into detail about that, but trust me, it's been chaotic. School has really picked up in the last few weeks, but that's how it always is in the fall semester. As for grades, I don't really know where I stand in most of my classes, but I'm going to assume that if the teacher hasn't come up to me and told me that I'm failing, I figure I'm doing pretty good. As for choir, we have exactly 3 rehearsals left before our first concert of the semester, which is on October 25th.

As for dance, it seems like that's the only thing that I've been able to find any kind of solace, freedom and peace in lately. In the midst of all the craziness and chaos of my life lately, when I go to dance class or go audition for a student's dance piece, I find myself getting lost in the choreography, the music and the sheer movement of my own body. I've discovered this passion in me for dance that I never knew existed, or even thought I could have. Dance Performance class has really helped me come out of myself and express myself through dance, movement and choreography. It's given me a new found confidence in myself. Like I mentioned in one of my last few posts, I've started choreographing a dance to the song "Slow Me Down" by Emmy Rossum. I've gotten a lot more of it choreographed, but I still have a couple parts of the song where I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I'm sure the inspiration will strike me eventually. Also, another random thought. I'm thinking I might try to choreograph Katy Perry's "Firework". Been listening to that a lot lately and every time I listen to it, I suddenly have a vision of dancing to this song. So yeah, I'll probably be working on that soon as well.

As for the chaos in my life... Well, I don't wish to go into too much detail about it. Let's just say, I can't wait until I go to Sam Houston, but unfortunately, it looks like I'll be at Kingwood ANOTHER semester. I guess I can't complain too much because by staying another semester, this will give me a chance to take more dance classes before I audition for the Musical Theater department, because part of the audition is a dance audition. And, by staying another semester, this means I can audition for All State and if I get chosen to go, that means another fantastic trip to San Antonio! So yeah, it's not going to be so bad staying another semester, but I really, really, really, REALLY want and need to get out of Kingwood and actually start studying Musical Theater. But I guess that dream can wait another year...

Well, I guess that's enough for right now. Not sure when I'll post the next confession, or what it will be, but it will hopefully be sooner rather than later (I know I haven't been posting much lately. School has been KILLING me.) Anyway, until next time. Later!

Confession #5: I need "Someone to Fall Back On"

Ever have one of those days (or maybe many of days) where you feel that you're so alone? You might have lots of friends, a loving family, and a good life, and maybe, if you're lucky, everything is actually going the way you want it to. But still, you feel like you're alone, in spite of being surrounded by people who care about you. Some days all you want is to know that someone us there for you, through all the good, the bad and the ugly. I feel this way often; I am always surrounded by people who care for me and love me, but I still feel alone and want to know that there's that one person who will always be there for me, someone I can always rely on. Someone I can go to when the world is crashing around me, when the darkness is closing in on me and the demons and monsters are circling me, ready to strike. I think, deep down, everyone wants that; everyone needs to have a person like that.

On Saturday, the music department at Kingwood college put on it's "A Stellar Evening", a concert in which the music faculty performs for the public to raise money for the music scholarships. Eric Skiles, the head of the drama department, sang a song called "Someone to Fall Back On" from Jason Robert Brown's musical "Wearing Someone Else's Clothes", and I will be totally honest, folks, I almost started crying. Now, I am not the type of person who gets emotionally moved by a song too often, but this one nearly had me in tears. It was such a beautiful song, and I knew that when I got home that night I had to find it on youtube and post it on Facebook for everyone to enjoy. I wish that someday, the man who loves me, whoever he is, would sing this song for me, but then again, if a guy who loved me sang ANY song for me, I would marry him on the spot. Anyway, here's the song :-) ejoy!

Oh, and if you're wondering why I always have a song with all my posts, I have another confession to make: I believe in using songs to say things.

Confession #4: Some days I just want to "Slow Me Down"

Do you ever feel like you just need to slow down from the chaotic, busy world of schedules, agendas, plans, goals, meetings and all those other things that constantly fight for your attention? I do, more than people realize. This semester especially has been one where I've just wanted to stop the world, breath and relax. On Wednesday, I decided to go for a walk in a park in Kingwood, just to get away from it all, even if just for an hour. It was very refreshing, and I walked out of there and off to drama rehearsal feeling a little bit lighter and less weighed down by all my stresses. I wish I could do that more often, but my ever-changing schedule and daily life is so unpredictable that I just don't know when I would find time to take a breather and just be by myself. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends and I love staying busy (it's better than being completely bored) but some days I just want to get away from it all and not have to think about anything, or worry about being on time to another rehearsal or anything else. I'm sure some of you, my dear readers, feel the same way at times.

Well, I came across this song on Friday while I was auditioning at my school for some dances for the end of semester dance performance. I danced 4 hours straight, with very few breaks and with no lunch (I'd eaten around 8:30 that morning and didn't get a chance to eat again until I got to work at the church at 6:15... yeah, I was exhausted and starving). The auditions were a lot of fun, and I actually got chosen to be in a hip-hop/contemporary/modern piece, so we'll see how this goes. Because of this, I was suddenly inspired to start choreographing my own dance to one of the songs that I heard at the dance auditions. I am quite excited about this :-) because of Dance Performance, I am now learning how to choreograph a dance and this class has given me so much more confidence in dancing by myself. So, I would like to share this song with you. I think a lot of you will really connect with this song and its lyrics, because I know that I'm not the only one out there who sometimes just wants to slow down and feels like their life is spiraling out of control because of a hectic, crazy and insanely busy schedule that constantly shifts and changes. Anyway, here you go! The song I am choreographing my dance to.