I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (despite the fact that I have so much homework, and I really shouldn't be thinking about anything else BUT homework, especially if I want to keep my grades up, but I digress). Anyway, I've been thinking, about a lot of things. First off, before I get started with that, I just want to give you a quick report. Friday I received my acceptance letter to Sam Houston State University! YAY!!! Now, this doesn't mean I've been accepted to the Musical Theater program or anything; I still have my audition for that on March 30th. But I've been accepted to the college! I'm so excited! Finally, I'm going to be leaving Kingwood! I'm one step closer to achieving my dream! Sure, I'll probably be at Sam for a while (4 years, at the most) but still, I'm just excited that I'm finally going off to a big university! I'm ready for this; I'm ready for change, and I'm ready to start over again, with a new school and new classes.
Well, back to what I was saying before, about that whole thinking thing I've been doing. Now that I'm definitely going to be heading off to Sam in the fall, I'm starting to realize a lot of things. I'm going to be going to a brand new school; new people, new classes, new campus, and new people. Now, for a while, my dream was this: "Oh, when I go to Sam, I'm going to meet all kinds of guys, and I just know that I'm going to find my perfect guy there, and then maybe I'll finally be truly happy again." Yeah, that was what I thought. Now, however, I've been rethinking all that. I've been thinking: "Wait... why put myself through all that? Why bother putting myself through all the pain and rejection again? I've had enough heart break to last me the rest of my life. I don't care anymore." Yeah, I finally came to the realization that no guy is going to want to be with me. I mean, let's face it, my longest relationship was 7 months, and that was with Mark, who was my first boyfriend. It's obvious that a guy just can't stand to be around me longer than that.
I know exactly what many of you are thinking right now, especially any of you who know me personally: "Oh come on, Erin, seriously! That is not true, you'll find someone someday!" No. None of that. I really wish people would start being more realistic about things, and this is one of them. I'm tired of pretending and hoping and wishing that "Someday My Prince Will Come", as the song title says. I'm done with fairytales and wishes and dreams of finding "true love". True love doesn't exist in this world anymore. Maybe it used to, back when the world was different and society actually held to virtues and morals. Maybe back then, it was easier to find love, because life wasn't as complicated as it is now. Now, the whole world is going to Hell in a handbasket and life sucks, no matter how you try to look at the positives. In the end, everyone ends up alone.
So, I've decided that I'm not even going to bother with dating when I go to Sam. Besides, I'm going to have so much schoolwork and classes and everything else that I won't have time to have a "life"; life for me will be school. I want to go for my dreams; being with a guy is just going to pull me down. So I've decided to just not even bother anymore. Seriously, what's the point? I was talking to my friend Robert the other day, and we started talking about how divorce is so high in this country, and how most marriages these don't ever make it anymore. I mean, with our parents generation, things were different. Now, my generation, people get married and then divorced within a year or two, sometimes sooner than that. So, I've been thinking, what's the point? Why put bother putting myself through all the pain of a divorce? Seriously. My pastor even talked about how it's crazy how huge the divorce numbers are in America, including divorce rates among Christian couples, which, to be honest, I wasn't entirely surprised by that statement, but whatever.
And so, dear readers, this is where I must be the weird person that I am and include the song that matches this post title. It's a song by Lady Gaga called "Marry The Night". Enjoy!
"Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them?" ~ Glinda the Good Witch from the musical 'Wicked'.
true love does exsist, just not for everyone deary. my Nathan and i have been together for about 6 or 7ish years now, and i know we'll be together until death. hell, you helped to prove that! :D as for today's high divorce rate, i think it's due to the sickening sense of entitlement that seems to be the norm. little girls think they deserve their princes when they've done nothing to earn them, and often have no good traits to begin with. brats like that don't deserve a man let alone a prince. brats like that die alone and bitter, wasting away in the pit their own selfishness has wrought. ah, but how i do digress - what i meant to say was good luck at your new school love.
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p.s. Nathan says hi!